Shouzer

So if you read Juvers’ blog (new link over to the right), you know about the asinine ways of the City of Champaign Parking District. I didn’t look, but I think I’ve posted on here before about their rate increases that make inflation seem like a blue light special. To be really quick about the light in which I think of them, I’d say they work pretty close to Lucifer himself.

Anyway, last Tuesday, I had a meeting over at Wohlers Hall to work on a project. 3:30 pm. The walk to the Wohlers computer lab takes me right past my car, which is parked snugly on the side of the road at the intersection of 3rd and Chalmers. At this time, my car is in its rightful place. My meeting ends at 6:15 pm, and I start the journey back to my apartment, listening to Under0ath on my iPod. As my apartment building comes into sight, I realize I am standing directly in the middle of where my car once was and still should be. Dude, where the f— is my car?

First instinct. Call the tow-truck company that is sovereign over my street. You see, there must have been a jealous tow truck owner up here at some point who caused a stir and got the streets divided among the various trucks. It sounds immature, but like I said, we’re not coloring with the brightest crayons here. Back to the story. Andy, of Andy’s Towing, says tells me he didn’t tow a car matching my description that night — in fact, he hadn’t towed any cars that night.

Second instinct. My car got stolen. I go downstairs to tell Jared, and we share a “damnthatsucks” laugh or two. And then I started doubting myself. Did I really see my car there on my walk over to Wohlers? It’s possible that I completely missed its absence, while focusing on how much I didn’t want to be going out to do homework. So I gave ol’ Andy another ring. Could my car have been towed last night, I ask. No, again, but Andy has an idea to call the Champaign Police Department and get their take. Wonderful. It was like getting Star Power in Guitar Hero 2. The fiend who took my car was racking up 4x combo points while I tried to find him, but once I had contact an organization of the City of Champaign, he tilted his guitar and promptly entered the zone of the 8x multiplier.

So I called the number Andy gave me, and sure enough, the City of Champaign had towed my car from the parking spot that I paid for with half a grand and 2 pounds of flesh. Instead of telling me why in a declarative sentence, such as “Your car fell apart,” or “The K-9 unit found all your crack cocaine,” she poses the answer to me in a question. “Do you have up to date registration?” The heck if I know. I hadn’t seen a letter from the state telling me to get my stickers renewed, so I assumed all was well. I conceded that I might be wrong, and asked how to rescue my motor vehicle from its imprisonment. My car was impounded at Tatman’s towing (the Northeast side of Urbana), and the city had a hold on it there. First, I must acquire said updated registration and insurance, provide proof of these at the Police Department, and bring newly required “let go of my car” document to Tatman’s.

I made a mistake here. No, it was a smart thing to ask, it’s just the answer made me salivate the way you do right before you vomit. I called Tatman’s to ask, “How much does this cost?” If I get my car before 3pm the next day (it was still Tuesday night), then my fee would only be $125. Ever day in the pound, it accumulates another $25, and if I come to get it between the hours of 7 pm-7 am, there would be an extra $10 service charge.

Well, luckily, my mom didn’t have anything big at work the next day, and even luckier, she found that letter from the state underneath my entertainment center at home. This is where some of my mail ends up when people put it on top of my TV when I am out town. A gust of air, the mail falls down, and I never know it was delivered. She generously got my new sticker, an insurance card (since my current card was locked in my car in Urbana), and drove them up Wednesday morning.

No crazy happenings at the PD, except that the lady photocopied every legal document I had on my person and then called my insurance company to verify my policy, as if I was part of a big scam to PAY THE CITY MORE MONEY. She gave me my hold release, and we made the trip over to Tatman’s where they wouldn’t take my check because its number was below the mandatory 500 mark. I supposed my money was no good to them. So my mom paid in cash. After signing a release document, the secretary gives me the “I’m only the messenger” look, complete with words, “I’m only the messenger.” She hands me a ticket from the City for $25. What for? The same gosh darned reason that they towed my car! Overdue sticker. Can they legally give me that ticket without me driving my car? I declined to ask, because it is my opinion that if you are in hell, and you see a light, run as fast as you can and never look back. I went to Public Works, paid the ticket, and tried to remember I only had to live in the confines of this city for another 4 weeks.

Ok, I’m done now.